It’s started when your life is getting down, and your weight is getting up. I need myself to have some arguments why do I have to live just the way I want it to be. It’s easy to answer since everybody also wants to have a perfect life. Just imagine what could you ask more when you’re alive, have a boyfriend, and work in a excellent company with the dream position. It’s like everything so perfect, so well planned. But it doesn’t happen to me anyway.
Well, I just graduated from university, and all I’m asking is working as a writer. For your information I am jobless, loveless and unstable. I stay at home everyday, hang out with friends on week end and working as a part time teacher in a course centre three hours a week. Basicly, you can see why I said on the first line that my life is getting down and my weight is getting up.
I am looking for a job as a writer, and too bad they always want a person with plenty of experiences while all I can offer is just a stupid idea. They don’t like my words, my line. I think I can get it why the position is not coming to me. I am not that able to speak up more, to find better words, better idea or a better analogy than everyone else in the test room. I am not able to write the way they want me to.
I spent few hours today thinking about why I have to live a life just the way that I don’t want it to be. Why I have to work not as a writer and be happy with it. Why I have to live without a boyfriend and be fine with it, and why I have to get through the rain, the storm, the quake, and be able to stand still. Why can’t I give up.
As I remind my sleep over time with my eighteen years old cousin yesterday, I recall the way she acts and talks about her current life. I remember how afraid she was for being late for a freahmeats gathering at university (which somehow you call it stupid when you’re already in fourth smester), how naïve her vision about love she’s just had with her boyfriend, and how she hasn’t realized that sex is different with love. I’d like to tell her that so many bad people outhere with bad things in their hands that she hasn’t found and known yet. There are also as well so many useless activities outhere that she hasn’t recognized yet. I’d like to tell her everything, but I think I wouldn’t. I let her know it by herself, I let her get through what I’d been through. I can not skip her lesson and tell her what to do so she wouldn’t fall for same mistakes that I made. Cause she won’t get anything if she’s not hurt, if she’s always right, if she knows what she’s gonna face. Somehow I just shuted my mouth and listened to her, while my heart was saying “she says that cause that’s all she’s learned so far”.
Since experiences influence your ability to act and to speak, I realize why do I have to live just the way I don’t want it to be. Why do I have to have some bad times in my life. The more trouble you get, the more things come out from your mouth. (More books you read, more words are in your mind.) More storm, more rain, more quake you’ve been through, more story could come out from your mouth. So now, I need those bad times, I need those unstable moments to be able to speak up, to make my story. And if I have to work not as a writer right now (or for several times in the future), it’s a time to learn, so I can speak more later either in my column or in my article.
So how bout you, how do you see the bad times in your life...?
Well, I just graduated from university, and all I’m asking is working as a writer. For your information I am jobless, loveless and unstable. I stay at home everyday, hang out with friends on week end and working as a part time teacher in a course centre three hours a week. Basicly, you can see why I said on the first line that my life is getting down and my weight is getting up.
I am looking for a job as a writer, and too bad they always want a person with plenty of experiences while all I can offer is just a stupid idea. They don’t like my words, my line. I think I can get it why the position is not coming to me. I am not that able to speak up more, to find better words, better idea or a better analogy than everyone else in the test room. I am not able to write the way they want me to.
I spent few hours today thinking about why I have to live a life just the way that I don’t want it to be. Why I have to work not as a writer and be happy with it. Why I have to live without a boyfriend and be fine with it, and why I have to get through the rain, the storm, the quake, and be able to stand still. Why can’t I give up.
As I remind my sleep over time with my eighteen years old cousin yesterday, I recall the way she acts and talks about her current life. I remember how afraid she was for being late for a freahmeats gathering at university (which somehow you call it stupid when you’re already in fourth smester), how naïve her vision about love she’s just had with her boyfriend, and how she hasn’t realized that sex is different with love. I’d like to tell her that so many bad people outhere with bad things in their hands that she hasn’t found and known yet. There are also as well so many useless activities outhere that she hasn’t recognized yet. I’d like to tell her everything, but I think I wouldn’t. I let her know it by herself, I let her get through what I’d been through. I can not skip her lesson and tell her what to do so she wouldn’t fall for same mistakes that I made. Cause she won’t get anything if she’s not hurt, if she’s always right, if she knows what she’s gonna face. Somehow I just shuted my mouth and listened to her, while my heart was saying “she says that cause that’s all she’s learned so far”.
Since experiences influence your ability to act and to speak, I realize why do I have to live just the way I don’t want it to be. Why do I have to have some bad times in my life. The more trouble you get, the more things come out from your mouth. (More books you read, more words are in your mind.) More storm, more rain, more quake you’ve been through, more story could come out from your mouth. So now, I need those bad times, I need those unstable moments to be able to speak up, to make my story. And if I have to work not as a writer right now (or for several times in the future), it’s a time to learn, so I can speak more later either in my column or in my article.
So how bout you, how do you see the bad times in your life...?
2 comments:
Na, u always see the rainbow after the sun..
i salute u for that :)
oh ya, thanks ya na.. waktu itu dah mau dengerin kekesalan gue.. :) i hope u can use my experience for ur writings someday..
love u besties..
eh babi.. terus sampe kapan ini bad things happen to us? perasaan we're good enough already deh hahah.. tapi nice writing.. you should post this on the job market, so the employers can see u thru. (on the statement) of how u really want to be a writer.
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